By Peter James

Why understanding personality, perception and behavioural triggers is essential to building better workplace relationships.

Have you ever noticed how two people can work with the same colleague and come away with completely different opinions about their personality? One describes the person as confident and decisive, while the other sees them as arrogant and controlling. One sees someone who is careful, thorough and analytical, while another describes exactly the same person as slow, inflexible and overly critical.

Who is right? Potentially both, because the way we describe someone’s personality is influenced not only by their behaviour, but also by how we interpret that behaviour.

This is one of the most important things to understand about human behaviour, particularly if you lead, manage, coach or work closely with other people. We tend to think we are describing people objectively when we say someone is difficult, friendly, demanding, conscientious, aggressive or supportive. In reality, we are often describing our experience of that person through the lens of our own expectations, preferences, values and previous experiences.

Understanding this distinction can fundamentally change the way we interact with others. It encourages us to become more curious about behaviour, less inclined to label people and more aware of the influence we have on those around us.

Personality: What We Observe and What We Interpret

In psychology, personality refers to relatively enduring patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving that distinguish one individual from another. Although personality involves internal processes that we cannot directly observe, we form impressions of other people’s personalities largely through their behaviour.

We observe how someone communicates, responds to challenges, makes decisions, treats colleagues, reacts to criticism and behaves under pressure. Over time, these observations accumulate, and we begin to form a picture of who that person is. Someone who speaks readily and expresses strong opinions may be described as confident. A person who pays close attention to detail and consistently follows through may be considered conscientious. Someone who listens, encourages and helps others might be seen as supportive, while a person who frequently takes control of conversations may be described as dominant.

In other words, the personality we perceive in another person is largely an accumulation of the behaviours we have observed, interpreted and remembered. However, personality itself is more complex than behaviour alone. It also includes the underlying tendencies, thoughts and feelings that contribute to how a person typically responds to the world.

The distinction matters because what we observe and what we conclude are not necessarily the same thing.

Consider a manager who is naturally direct, fast-paced and results-focused. They prefer short meetings, quick decisions and straightforward communication. To an employee who values efficiency, independence and clear direction, this manager may appear confident, capable and empowering. To another employee who values consultation, patience and personal connection, the same manager may seem impatient, dismissive or insensitive.

The manager hasn’t necessarily changed their behaviour. What has changed is the person experiencing and interpreting it.

This happens because we don’t observe other people’s behaviour in isolation. We interpret it through our own psychological filters. Our expectations, experiences, communication preferences, cultural background and emotional state all influence the meaning we attach to what others do.

Psychologists refer to one common tendency as the fundamental attribution error, where we place too much emphasis on someone’s personality and underestimate the circumstances influencing their behaviour. For example, when a colleague fails to respond to an email, we might conclude that they are inconsiderate or uncooperative. Yet the explanation could be competing priorities, an unusually demanding workload or a simple oversight.

We also tend to look for evidence that supports opinions we have already formed, a tendency known as confirmation bias. Once we have decided someone is difficult, we may pay particular attention to their difficult moments and overlook occasions when they are helpful, cooperative or supportive. Conversely, someone we like may be given the benefit of the doubt for similar behaviour.

Over time, these interpretations can become self-reinforcing. The danger is that we stop observing what someone actually does and begin responding to the personality label we have given them.

What Does This Person Want Me to Notice?

One useful question to keep in mind when meeting or working with another person is: “What does this person want me to think or feel about them, and what are they encouraging me to notice?”

This question draws on the psychological concept of self-presentation, sometimes called impression management. People naturally influence the impression they create through their words, behaviour, appearance, communication style and the information they choose to emphasise. Someone may want to be recognised as knowledgeable, dependable, successful, approachable, influential, capable or independent.

These desired impressions can provide clues about what a person values and how they prefer to be perceived. For example, someone who regularly highlights their achievements may place considerable importance on recognition, credibility or professional standing. A colleague who consistently offers assistance may value being seen as helpful, dependable or supportive. Someone who carefully prepares for every meeting may place importance on competence, accuracy or avoiding mistakes.

Of course, these observations are starting points rather than definitive explanations. A person may have several reasons for behaving in a particular way, and those reasons may change depending on the situation.

What makes this approach particularly useful is that it encourages us to look beyond whether we like or dislike someone’s behaviour and consider what may be important to them. Their need for recognition, autonomy, belonging, certainty or achievement can provide valuable insight into what motivates them and what circumstances may influence their behaviour.

And this leads to another important aspect of understanding people: the role of behavioural triggers.

What Changes the Way We Behave?

Although personality tends to show some consistency over time, behaviour is also influenced by the circumstances in which people find themselves. The same person can behave very differently depending on the situation, the people involved and what they are experiencing at that moment.

Think about a colleague who is usually calm, cooperative and approachable. In one meeting, they are relaxed, contribute ideas and support the team. In another, they become defensive, argumentative or withdrawn. Has their personality suddenly changed? Not necessarily. Something in the environment may have triggered a different behavioural response.

A behavioural trigger is an event, interaction or circumstance that influences a person’s emotional, cognitive or behavioural response. Triggers can be positive or negative, and their impact depends partly on the meaning the individual attaches to the experience. What one person considers an exciting challenge, another may experience as an overwhelming demand. What one employee sees as constructive feedback, another may interpret as criticism of their competence.

These differences help explain why people respond so differently to the same leadership style, workplace conditions or interpersonal interactions.

Positive Triggers: What Brings Out the Best in People?

Positive triggers are circumstances that encourage behaviours such as confidence, cooperation, creativity, openness and engagement. They are often connected to psychological needs and personal values, including the desire for recognition, autonomy, belonging, competence, achievement and certainty.

Consider what happens when an employee feels genuinely valued, trusted and respected. They may become more willing to contribute ideas, take initiative, share information or accept responsibility. A manager who gives someone autonomy may encourage confidence and independence, while a leader who takes time to listen may encourage openness and collaboration. Recognition for a meaningful contribution can reinforce effort, commitment and a sense of achievement.

For some people, being given a challenging assignment is particularly motivating because it provides an opportunity to learn, solve problems and demonstrate their capabilities. Others may feel more confident and productive when responsibilities are clearly defined, processes are predictable and expectations are understood. Someone who values collaboration may thrive in an environment where ideas are shared openly and decisions are made collectively.

There is no single set of conditions that will bring out the best in everyone. Most people value several of these needs, although their relative importance varies between individuals and situations. This is one reason why effective leaders adapt their approach rather than assuming that everyone responds to the same type of encouragement, recognition or direction.

The important point is that creating the right environment can have a significant influence on the behaviours people demonstrate. When people feel trusted, capable, included and supported, they are often better positioned to contribute positively.

Negative Triggers: What Brings Out Defensive Behaviour?

Negative triggers arise when people perceive something important to them as threatened, frustrated or disregarded. These experiences can produce responses such as anger, withdrawal, resistance, excessive caution, defensiveness or attempts to regain control.

Imagine an employee who takes pride in being knowledgeable and competent. During a meeting, their manager publicly questions the accuracy of their work. The employee responds sharply, challenges the manager and becomes argumentative. Observers might describe this person as difficult, arrogant or unable to accept feedback. However, the response may have been influenced by the employee’s perception that their competence or professional credibility was being challenged in front of colleagues.

Another person in exactly the same situation may respond calmly, ask questions and welcome the opportunity to correct the information. The event is similar, but the interpretation and behavioural response are different.

Feeling criticised or judged can be a powerful negative trigger, particularly when feedback is delivered publicly or without adequate context. Loss of control can also create resistance, especially for people who value independence and autonomy. Micromanagement, unexpected changes or decisions made without consultation may cause frustration and disengagement in individuals who prefer to manage their own work.

For others, uncertainty is particularly uncomfortable. Unclear responsibilities, shifting expectations or unpredictable decisions can increase anxiety and lead to excessive checking, hesitation or attempts to impose greater structure. A person who normally appears confident may become cautious or controlling when they feel they no longer understand what is expected of them.

Feeling excluded, overlooked or treated unfairly can also trigger changes in behaviour. An employee who believes their contribution has not been recognised may become less willing to volunteer ideas or take on additional responsibilities. Someone who feels their opinions are repeatedly dismissed may withdraw from discussions or become more forceful in trying to make themselves heard.

Workload and fatigue add another dimension. Even someone who is normally patient and accommodating may become irritable, abrupt or withdrawn when dealing with prolonged pressure, competing demands or insufficient support. Stress can reduce our capacity to regulate emotions and respond thoughtfully, making behaviours that others perceive negatively more likely.

Importantly, a trigger does not automatically produce a particular response. Our emotional regulation skills, previous experiences, current circumstances and available support all influence how we react.

The same trigger may have little effect on one person, produce a strong response in another, or affect the same individual differently on different days.

The Same Behaviour Can Have Very Different Causes

One of the mistakes we make when interpreting personality is assuming that similar behaviours must have similar causes. Consider someone who repeatedly checks the details of a project. One person may do this because they are highly conscientious and value accuracy. Another may be concerned about making mistakes. A third may be responding to previous experiences where important details were overlooked, while someone else may simply be dealing with unclear instructions or insufficient information.

The observable behaviour may look almost identical, but the reasons behind it can be very different.

The same applies to a person who dominates conversations. They may be enthusiastic, highly confident, accustomed to taking responsibility, concerned about losing control or simply unaware of how much they are talking. Someone who asks a great many questions may be demonstrating genuine curiosity, seeking reassurance, challenging assumptions or trying to establish their expertise.

Understanding behaviour therefore requires more than recognising what someone does. It requires curiosity about the circumstances and motivations that may influence why they do it.

This is why labelling people too quickly can be counterproductive. When we decide someone is naturally difficult, we can overlook the circumstances contributing to their behaviour and the opportunities to influence it positively.

How Our Own Behaviour Influences Others

Perhaps the most interesting aspect of behavioural triggers is that our own behaviour can become a trigger for someone else’s behaviour. In other words, the way we interact with people can influence the very behaviours we later use to describe their personalities.

Consider a manager who believes an employee is unreliable. Because of that belief, the manager begins monitoring the employee closely, requesting frequent updates and checking every detail of their work. The employee, who values independence, experiences this as a lack of trust and becomes frustrated, disengaged and increasingly reluctant to take initiative. The manager interprets this withdrawal as further evidence that the employee cannot be trusted and increases their supervision.

A negative behavioural cycle develops. The manager’s original perception has influenced their behaviour towards the employee, which has contributed to the response they are now observing.

Now consider a different approach. The manager discusses expectations, agrees on milestones and gives the employee greater ownership of how the work is completed. The employee feels trusted, becomes more engaged and begins taking greater responsibility. The manager observes the improvement and becomes more comfortable delegating.

A positive behavioural cycle develops.

Psychological research into expectancy effects and self-fulfilling prophecies shows that our beliefs about others can sometimes influence how we treat them, which in turn can affect their responses. These effects are not inevitable, but they highlight an important principle: the behaviour we experience from others can be influenced by the behaviour we bring to the relationship.

This is a particularly valuable insight for leaders. We often describe people as uncooperative, resistant, insecure or disengaged without considering whether something about our own leadership approach may be contributing to the response.

A person who appears uncooperative under highly directive management may become constructive and engaged when given greater involvement. Someone who seems hesitant may become confident when expectations are clearer. A colleague who appears overly critical may simply be using their analytical strengths to identify risks that others have overlooked, while someone who seems quiet or disengaged may contribute valuable insights when given time to reflect and an appropriate opportunity to speak.

This does not mean that every behaviour should be excused or that leaders should avoid holding people accountable. Understanding the factors influencing behaviour is not the same as accepting inappropriate behaviour. A leader can recognise that someone feels threatened or frustrated while still expecting them to behave respectfully and professionally.

The difference is that understanding creates more options for responding constructively rather than simply reacting to the behaviour.

Becoming Better at Reading People

Understanding people is not about quickly assigning them a personality type. It is about developing a more accurate understanding of their behavioural patterns, what matters to them and how different circumstances influence their responses.

A useful starting point is to observe how someone typically communicates, makes decisions, handles responsibilities and interacts with others. Look for patterns across different situations and over time rather than relying on one memorable interaction.

Then pay attention to what changes their behaviour. When does the person become more engaged, confident, cooperative or enthusiastic? When do they become guarded, frustrated, impatient or withdrawn? What happened immediately before the change? A noticeable shift may provide useful information about what the person is experiencing or what matters to them in that situation.

It is equally valuable to notice how they respond to different approaches. Does giving someone greater autonomy encourage initiative? Does providing more information reduce their anxiety? Do they respond better to direct communication or a more consultative style? Does private feedback produce a different response from public feedback?

These observations can help us understand how to work with people more effectively, but they should always be treated as possibilities to explore rather than conclusions to defend.

The most reliable way to test our observations is through conversation. Rather than assuming why someone reacted negatively, we might say, “I noticed you seemed concerned when we discussed the proposed changes. What was your main concern?” Equally, when someone responds positively, we might ask, “You seemed particularly enthusiastic about that project. What was it that interested you?”

Good questions allow us to move beyond our assumptions and understand the situation from the other person’s perspective. Active listening, curiosity and a willingness to reconsider our initial interpretations are essential parts of developing this skill.

Before You Label Someone, Consider Your Own Perspective

The next time you find yourself describing a colleague as difficult, arrogant, defensive, controlling, demanding or disengaged, consider what specific behaviour led you to that conclusion. Rather than saying someone is arrogant, identify what they actually did. Did they interrupt others, dismiss an idea or repeatedly emphasise their expertise?

Then consider the interpretation you have attached to that behaviour. Could another person interpret the same behaviour differently? What assumptions are you making about their intentions? Are you considering the circumstances that may have influenced their response, or are you automatically treating the behaviour as evidence of their personality?

Finally, consider whether something about your own behaviour, communication style or expectations may be contributing to the response you are experiencing.

These questions help us separate observation from interpretation and encourage a more balanced understanding of others. They also provide an opportunity to change the way we interact with people rather than continuing to reinforce unproductive behavioural patterns.

Final Thought: Understanding People Starts With Understanding Behaviour

Our personalities reflect relatively enduring patterns in how we think, feel and behave. Yet the behaviours through which others come to know us are also influenced by the situations we encounter, our emotional responses and the people around us.

As a result, the personality we perceive in someone else is partly a reflection of their behavioural patterns and partly a reflection of our own interpretation. This is why two people can describe the same colleague so differently, and why both descriptions may contain elements of truth.

For leaders, coaches and colleagues, the goal should not be to place people into neat personality categories or assume we understand someone because we have witnessed a particular behaviour. It should be to become better observers, more thoughtful interpreters and more adaptable communicators.

When we understand what brings out the best in people, what triggers defensive responses and how our own behaviour influences others, we become better equipped to create productive working relationships.

The real skill in reading people is not deciding who they are. It is understanding how they behave, what influences that behaviour and how we can bring out the best in one another.