Do you feel dominated or dominating in your interpersonal relationship.  It all has to do with owning the space between you and others.  What’s the secret to finding equilibrium?j

I have been training and teaching martial arts for over 40 years and one of the key fundamental strategic concepts I speak to my students about is ‘Who owns the space between you and your opponent’?

In the sports arena this concept is obvious, in football it’s about the position of the ball between the goals.  If you can lock it into your opponent’s half then you have so many more options, room to move, ability to make good decisions and time.   For the fighter its about who is dominating the space between them, if one fighter is in a clinch, then the other fighter has the time, space and distance to create damage while the clinch fighter has lost that opportunity.

In the market place the product with the right place, price and placement owns the space between them and their customers and it makes it very difficult to challenge that.

‘Owning the space’ is a strategy that sits across a wide range of scenarios.

The concept is true between people in social and workplace as well.

Do you have a friend or know someone who is always very quick with their words, they dominate the virtual space between them and another person with their words?  Talking with them or arguing with them is challenging, they seem to ‘own’ the conversation.

I have been using this concept of ‘owning the space’ in my executive coaching, especially the relationship between the manager and report.  If we define management as Pfiffer did,

‘an internal political struggle for scarce resources within an organisation’,

the manager is looking to dominate that competitive scenario. That need for control is sometimes focused at a range of stakeholders including reports.  As they are ‘senior’ in the organisation, a report is already in a subservient position and a dominating manager can take advantage of that and attempt to ‘own’ the space between the two.

How does this play out in reality?   A manager may or will expect someone to; jump to demands, working long hours, taking on additional responsibility, and any range of activities that is not what they inherently want to do.

The work environment isn’t a combative situation, however, and the manager also holds the power to reward as well, and this is the ying and yang of the situation.

So, what is wrong with this?  Isn’t it the natural way of the world?

Well, yes and no.  It is fine as long as both parties see the benefit in the relationship and an agreed balance exists.  It’s when the manager takes advantage of the power and the report gives up their power (reluctantly) that the problems start.  And the problems are created for both camps, neither will achieve what they want.

I always tell my martial arts students that, at a minimum, you want to control 50% of the space between you and your opponent, and always with the view to increase that, owning 100% means there is nothing your opponent can do to prevent total domination.  Obviously from my opponent’s point of view, they are, in turn, trying to dominate you.  Moving that back into the mental realm (rather than the physical), giving away the space between you and another person is not a good strategy, there needs to be a natural balance, and this may not be exactly 50/50 due to the relationship and the reward system, but there is a balance and when that whole process goes out of balance then there is a problem.

When an employee is operating outside their desired space they start to feel resentful, they lose focus, their values start to be challenged, absenteeism start to go up and turnover increases while productivity starts to reduce.

It’s no good for anyone, the manager who tries to dominate will ultimately lose out and the report will also lose out.

So, what is the solution?

For the Manager it is about recognising that the power, dominating and controlling interactions, ultimately won’t work.  Dominating a report and ‘manipulating them’ for your own ends (even when done without malice) is a road to nowhere.  People are not tolerant of this over a sustained period of time, they may initially tolerate it, they may even encourage it in the short term with enabling behaviours, but in the long term it is highly destructive.

For the employee it’s about not giving away your power in the relationship,

recognise your values, together with your needs and wants from the role, balanced against the payoff. 

Exercise your muscle in order to maintain an agreed equitable balance.  This will keep you focused and motivated without you feeling resentful or ‘put upon’ over a long period.

Interactions between people at work should not be a mental fight for dominance, especially between a manager and the team.  That relationship needs to be build on trust, respect and equity.  Mature people understand that a balance needs to be struck and part of being a manager is about finding that equitable balance.

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